Where Are You? November 15, 2008
Posted by Erin in : Links, Other Sites We're In On , add a commentIf anyone is still checking this blog after a 7 month absence, please let me first apologize! After Naomi was born, Joe and I decided it would be best to put this blog on hold indefinitely. But it would have been nice if we would have mentioned that on here!
Joe and I are both still writing though. Joe is blogging over at Seeking Him and on Crispin Basketball. While I am now blogging on being a wife and mother over at Married to a Baller. Please come visit us!
Blessings,
Erin
Blog Delay April 15, 2008
Posted by Joe in : Uncategorized , add a comment
Greetings everyone,
This is Joe here making a quick post to explain why we will be a bit delayed in our parenting posts here at Sinners Raising Saints. Her name is Naomi Kathryn Crispin and she was born in Bandirma, Turkey on Sunday, April 13, 2008 at 5:30 pm. We have already seen that with her added to the mix, we will have plenty of lessons to learn and write about in the future.
Giving thanks for every good gift,
Joe
Recommendations April 7, 2008
Posted by Erin in : Recommendations , add a commentJoe,
I just wanted to give two parenting resources recommendations for today. The first is a book you read and highly recommended called Christian Living in the Home by Jay Adams. Only one of the chapters deals specifically with parents (it is called Discipline with Dignity), but the whole book is excellent and worth the read!
The other is a message we purchased from Redeemer Presbyterian church (Tim Keller’s church). The message is by Brent Bounds and is called Train Up a Child: The Spiritual and Psychological Development of Children (part 1).
Both of these were great eye openers to me and I think would be a blessing to many!
Training with you,
Erin
Motivation and Gentleness April 4, 2008
Posted by Joe in : General Lessons , add a commentErin,
Here are two things I have been thinking of in regards to parenting. The first, motivation, refers not to our being motivated as parents, but to how we might properly motivate our children to obey. The second, gentleness, is not a quality that comes naturally to me, but one that embodies numerous other qualities that I want to possess as a father and that must accompany whatever motivating forces we deem necessary to employ.
As for motivation, I have been amazed, as I mentioned to you the other day, at the way in which Abby and Elijah will respond to differ degrees of force. Not physical force mind you (though I suppose it could include spankings), but force of various kinds. Force like telling Elijah, “If you don’t choose to control yourself right now, you will go into your crib.”
And for Elijah, that is more than enough. He wants nothing to do with that crib. So he is able to get control of himself quite quickly. Abigail, on the other hand, would laugh at such a small thing. Bigger things seem to be necessary for our oldest, the one who has our combined strength of will.
But at the same time, as we spoke of yesterday, a balance is needed. It is not enough to set before our children a certain consequence and expect them to respond. After all, various forces are work, forces that they often do not understand themselves. For example, when Abigail begins to ‘lose it’, it doesn’t matter what the consequence is. She is gone. And though a gentle word does not always do the trick, it is surely much more effective, it seems, in both the long and short run that a harsh reminder of the consequence.
Sure, the consequence should not be taken away. But they can be administered with great patience and care. And while Abigail chooses to throw a temper-tantrum (over things large and small), we can gently guide her through the process and use the opportunity to teach here how to better handle herself. Every moment is a teaching moment. The difficulty, of course, is to figure out how to teach right then and there.
No matter what, however, consequences must be administered with patience and gentleness. Clarity helps on both accounts. Let us continue to pray for just that.
Growing in grace with you,
Joe
Humbling March 31, 2008
Posted by Erin in : General Lessons , add a commentJoe,
If I were to pick my top five words to describe parenting, “humbling” would definitely be among them. The longer I have been a parent, the more I have realized how proud and arrogant I am. And God in His mercy has used our children to show me that. this hit me once again as I read a quote from Jay Adams’ book “Christian Living int he Home” last night.
“The notion that the Christian home is a perfect or near perfect place is decidedly no Biblical. The parents in the home often fail; often they fail miserably. They fail one another, they fail their children, and they certainly fail God. The children fail too. They bring home report cards with Ds and Fs, throw tantrums in the shopping mall, and try to eat peas off their knives when the preacher has been invited to dinner. Husbands and wives quarrel, get irritated with one another, and sometimes have serious misunderstandings. Of course, there are accomplishments too; but the point that I want to make is that conditions are frequently far from ideal. That is the realistic picture of a truly Christian home.”
When I read that quote, although it hit right in the center of my pride that wants to have it all together as a wife and mother, it brought a sense of relief as well. The legalistic part of me that wants to keep earning my way to God by running on a spiritual gerbil wheel gave a big sigh of relief. Being a Christian parent is not about having the best behaved kid! What great news that is, because anyone who knows us knows we don’t have perfect kids.
For so long I struggled with the thought that if you input the right parenting formula out should come a perfect Christian kid. So when our kids struggled, I always looked to see what I was doing wrong. Now I am not saying there is no room for looking at what we are doing. But underneath all of our parenting philosophies must lie the foundation of the grace of God. We can do everything “right” as a parent and it is still the grace of God to change our children’s hearts to be people who love Jesus above all else and trust in Him for their forgiveness of sins and happiness forever.
You gave a great example last night after your game when you said it is like you expecting that if you read your Bible and pray every day then you will always have the perfect reaction to a bad call or a grumbling teammate in a game. Life doesn’t work that way. We are sinners and the process of sanctification is often slow. Especially with our children, who may or may not have had the change of heart we have been blessed with.
Adams goes on to give hope though. Although we are sinners, as Christians we admit our sins, know what to do about our sins and progress out of our sins. This is the great news of the gospel. The gospel is not a perfect outward appearance, but sinners being saved and changed by grace. And as a parent I am seeing this more and more clearly every day!
Standing amazed at the grace of God with you,
Erin
Total Influence March 21, 2008
Posted by Joe in : General Lessons , add a commentErin,
Thank you for your diligence in posting each week. I need to follow your lead on that front and hope to do a better job in the coming weeks.
As I thought about what to write, I realized that I have many options. Lessons have abounded during the past few weeks. We have had numerous struggles with Abigail for various reasons I believe. She is in a foreign land, in school with children and teachers whom she cannot understand, away from family and friends etc. And I could go on. But the main reason is always our struggles to live the way we want to live. And that is what struck me most as I reflected and prayed for her this morning.
We say time and again that our weaknesses are bound to be seen in our children. After all, they live with us. They watch us day after day and cannot help imitating both our strengths and weaknesses. I have been reminded of that lately as I have thought and prayed for wisdom in leading Abigail Lee. Her rebellion and general foolishness has been quite plain. She thinks she knows better than us and wants to argue every point, even when she knows she is wrong.
That sounds familiar though. For I have lived with myself long enough to see the very same things in me. What struck me with particular force this morning though was the reality that she will in large part relate to us in the way that we relate to God.
As her father, I think I can faithfully say that she will relate to me (her earthly father) as I am prone to relate to God (my heavenly Father). That might seem simple. And it is on the surface, but what I am pointing to and seeing more and more is that the habits of relating are largely internal. Of course, they have their external manifestations. Temper-tantrums, arguments, loud “No’s”, etc. But those things aren’t the issue. If I (we) simply address those things, we will surely end up with a Pharisee of all Pharisees. No. The real disease of sin and rebellion must be addressed…not only in her, but in me.
And this, it seems, is the real difficulty in parenting. Not so much confronting your child’s sin, but confronting your own. Not so much teaching her to take responsibility for her sin, but showing her how to do so by taking responsibility for your own. Not pointing out her rebellion against me and her inclination to do whatever she can to get what she wants, but to face the fact that I do the same thing and to repent accordingly. Few things are more challenging and humbling than this.
Yet at the same time, few things are more effective. The amazing fact is that what I do privately with God (facing my sin, repentance, etc.) has a profound effect on my ability to help Abigail face her sin, flee to the cross, and pursue genuine change. Sure, no one is looking when I am seeking God and God is dealing with me. But at the same time, everyone is affected…our children especially.
What we think about God and how we relate to God is surely the most important thing about us. It defines our very existence. It colors every single thing that we do…including our parenting. Therefore, let us be diligent to seek hard after the Lord and to persistently pursue greater humility and holiness. It’s the best thing we can do for ourselves and for our children. Indeed, it’s the best thing we can do for the world. Of course, there is more to life than that, but we can never ignore the great importance of getting our own acts together. By God’s grace, we can do so. And do so we must.
Seeking Him with you,
Joe
Remembering and Giving Thanks March 17, 2008
Posted by Erin in : General Lessons , add a commentJoe,
With today being Abby’s fourth birthday, there is nothing more I could think to post on than the great practice of remembering God’s mercies and giving thanks. It is something I know I do not do often enough with anyone in my life. But I know it is something that stirs me to adore and worship God more when I look back on the ways I have been blessed by a person being in my life and praise God for that great work. In the everyday grind of parenthood, it is easy to get caught up in the little details and fail to step back and reflect. A birthday is of course a wonderful time to to that, but I would encourage all parents to take the time out to really remember the grace God has shown your child, the happy memories and the way your life has been made better just for them being in it. I love to look back on pictures and videos to remember those special times, as well as just talking to you (my husband) about favorite memories. But don’t stop there: tell your child all you are thankful for and that you love them dearly. Surely, that is one thing we can never do with one another enough!
Praising God for four wonderful years,
Erin
Diligent Discipline, Part 4 March 10, 2008
Posted by Erin in : General Lessons , add a commentJoe,
As you obviously know we have been having some discipline problems here in our house. Which of course, as I mentioned previously, meant that it was us who had to step back and take a look at what we were doing wrong. In doing that, it helped me to see two other keys to diligent discipline.
The first is to be on the same page with your spouse about your children’s discipline. Not only does this add consistency to your child’s life, but it is such a great encouragement to know that there is someone else with you. We were creatures made to rely on one another. And as raising children is one of the hardest and greatest responsibilities we will ever be given, we really need the support, encouragement and love of one another. It breaks my heart to see couples where only one parent is involved in the discipline of the children. In other cases the strategies are completely different and one parent is always having to be “bad cop”. how tiring that must be. I am so thankful we are walking through this together!
The second key to diligent discipline is to have a plan. We sat down and spent 30 minutes today re-evaluating our failures and our kids’ weaknesses. It felt so good to come away with a few things to focus on for each child. You feel so refined to have a focus and your kids benefit from having a few succinct things to concentrate on. I would recommend parents doing this at least 1-4 times a month once their child hits the age of 9 months!
I will also throw in a book recommendation that I have not personally read, but you just finished and I am looking forward to reading. It is a book by Jay Adams called Christian Living in the Home. And one chapter in particular deals with parenting and is called “Discipline with Dignity”.
Thank you for leading our home in diligent discipline,
Erin
Diligent Discipline, Part 3 March 5, 2008
Posted by Erin in : General Lessons , add a commentJoe,
As I thought about today’s post, I thought I should look up the definition of “diligence”. One definition I found was “a persevering application”. Another said “constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken”. In other words, when it comes to diligent discipline, we need to continually do the same thing over and over again.
I had an interesting example of this in my own life a couple of days ago. Being 8 months pregnant, I am not expecting my boyd to feel 100% right now, but I have been blessed with a relatively easy third pregnancy. But the other day my back was really starting to hurt. I would cringe every time I picked up Elijah and was pretty uncomfortable at night. At first, I thought this was just a pregnancy symptom and I would have to live with it for another month. But then you made a comment about whether or not I had changed anything. I started thinking about whether I had been stretching (I had), and pulling my core in when I was lifting things (I was) and any other change I may have made. then it dawned on me that I had started sitting in a different chair to use the computer since we got your computer back. Then I started thinking about the awful posture I used while sitting in that chair and it made perfect sense why my back was hurting!
After I got over my joy of figuring out what the problem was, later that day we were having some discipline problems with Abby. And it hit me that too often as parents we want to attribute a problem with our children to a “stage” or “phase” or some other external effect. But do we ask ourselves the question, “What have I been doing differently?” Often times we will find that we have changed something that we were doing and the effect is being shown in our kids. Let us look to ourselves and see where we may have failed to persevere in applying discipline and get back on track for our kids’ sake!
Striving to be diligent in discipline,
Erin
Bible Material for Children February 25, 2008
Posted by Erin in : Blogroll, Links, Recommendations , add a commentJoe,
I wanted to post this link with notes from a lecture on Bible Material for Children. It is from The Children’s Hour blog, which is found over on the right under Blogroll. It has some great recommendations for books and other resources for kids.
Reading with you and our kids,
Erin