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Quick Travel Lesson June 8, 2007

Posted by Joe in : General Lessons , add a comment

Erin,

This will be brief, but something struck me while on the plane yesterday that I wanted to share. As we have said, the Lord granted much grace throughout our travel back home yesterday. Twenty-four hours awake is by no means easy, but the Lord showed Himself faithful. He was in the details, that was/is for sure.

As it relates to our kids, however, they did well. Elijah was a bit frantic, because he was so tired, but he still did quite well. They sat still for rather lengthy periods of times and we had only a few incidents of disciplined. We even enjoyed sitting with one another for a good stretch and a little time of reading (though we were so weary, the eyes were fading quickly!).

That being said, the reality that hit me yesterday was that all the little acts of discipline throughout our daily lives (most of which you do), were tested yesterday. And I thought they passed quite well. We still have a long way to go. That is for sure, but it’s as if yesterday was the big game. Thousands of people were in attendance and emotions were high. It was time to see how prepared our children well. They had learned the little lessons day in and day out. They had been disciplined in a thousand ways that few would think would matter. And along comes a day like yesterday–game day. The day in which we see some fruit.

That’s cool huh? The little lessons matter much more than we know. We can’t expect to perform well during those times (or for our children to obey us) if we are not diligent with our day to day care. In fact, I suppose it could be said to parents that when all things are considered, how your children behave in the difficult, unexpected times (particularly in their obedience) reveals how diligent you are in shepherding them during the day to day mundane existence called life. Though it surely doesn’t cover ever, I think it more or less is true.

May the Lord grant us grace for further (and increased!) diligence.

Praying for continued mercy,
Joe

Lesson in Fatherhood June 7, 2007

Posted by Joe in : General Lessons , add a comment

Here is the journal entry I mentioned yesterday….

The past hour and a half or so have been very intense. Abby has some sort of ear infection that has been causing her some pretty good pain since about 5:00 or so. She didn’t get a nap today either. Combine that with the excitement/confusion of going home and it has made for a really difficult time.

Well, after the bedtime routine and disciplining her with spankings, I finally began to see the signs of relief. Spankings might seem harsh at a time like this, but for Abigail, it is the only way. She still knew that she was being disobedient and that she needed to be disciplined for it. She is well aware of the deal. Also, the Lord still disciplines us for our sins of unbelief and rebellion. Though there might be a greater grace for times of great weakness (for He knows our frame, that we are but dust), discipline still comes. And it needs to come, b/c it is the only thing that can get us out of our little worlds and back into reality. So it was with Abigail Lee.

So after multiple spankings from both Erin and I, the message was loud and clear and she began to get it. Not only that, but as is usually the case with discipline (for us and our children), she was humbled. And that is a good place to be. So she was listening to daddy and at this point, just crying and asking me, “Daddy, please make my ear stop hurting.” Every parent knows that this is one of the most difficult things in the world, b/c you just can’t make it happen. She had asked numerous times, “Daddy, mommy, please pray for me” (for the ear to stop hurting) and we had done so time and again. But we knew we couldn’t make it happen. And she is still at the point where she just can’t understand that. She still thinks we can do it all!

So I prayed for her again and told her that she needed her rest and that she had to stay in bed. No getting out and turning on the light (which is usually the first sign of rebellion). Those are the rules and she knows them well. But this time, amidst tears, she said, “Daddy, please pray that I would not get a spanking.” I did not quite understand, but told her that that was up to her. And then she said (again, amidst tears), “Daddy, please pray that I would not do those things.” Now that was what got my heart.

See, what she was saying and what she then clarified was, “Daddy, please pray that I would not get out of bed and turn on the light.” It broke my heart right away, but I knew that that was exactly where she (and we) need to be. She knew what she was supposed to do, but knew that she didn’t have the strength in her to make it happen. She was weak and knew that she needed God to be strong. Sure, she couldn’t explain it that way, but she has heard us pray and prayed with us enough time to know that the Lord answers prayer. So we prayed. And I know the Lord was in that prayer.

I prayed that the Lord might show Himself mighty through this time and reveal Himself to us and Abigail. I was confident of an answer. Then, after I finished, she said, “Please help me pray daddy.” And then she prayed after me. It was priceless.

After we were finished it got even better, because she still could not understand why the pain did not go away right away! O to have the faith of a child. After all, we prayed for it. Then I explained to her that she had to look to the Lord for strength, strength to endure this difficult time. She has Psalm 23 memorized, so I began to recite it. And almost immediately, there was peace. Peace with her, with me, with the whole situation. We recited it three times. Needless to say, those moments were some of my sweetest as a father.

Following that, we gathered up the friends, cuddled them together and said our, “I love you on these hands” (and everything else that goes with the leaving the room routine). And I knew that the Lord had heard our prayers (and the prayers of those who were praying for us). I then walked out to the living room and said to Erin, “If we had to go through all that to get this [and then I told her], then it was well worth it.” What a gracious God we serve!

There are so many lessons in that little story. From what I just said though, it should be obvious enough that in order for us to go deep with God, we have to go through struggle. We have to suffer a bit and struggle through it (enduring our own temper-tantrums maybe). We won’t be able to understand everything that is going on. We will want answers and we will pray for them, but they won’t come right away. The fight will continue on.

But then….breakthrough. We are brought to our end. We are weak. We must then look to Him to be strong. We must also look to others to help us cry out to God for grace upon grace (just as Abigail did). He might heal right away, but often He will not do so. He often says, “My grace is sufficient for you. For my power is made perfect in your weakness.” And though we might not find the healing we desire or the immediate deliverance, He does grant us the grace to rest, as Abigail seems to be doing right now. Weeping may last for the ‘night’, but joy comes with the ‘morning.’ Weeping may last for a short time, but joy is on the other end. And indeed, if we do not endure the weeping–if we set up our lives, so that we can apparently walk with God without ever having to face such times–we will know nothing of the sweet joy in Jesus that comes when you realize you have nothing but Him.

Also, the Word of God. How central it is to the fight! My little girl taught me this lesson tonight. Sure, I had prayed for her, but I was not helping her to fight the fight. I was, more or less, telling her to just do what she had to do to obey. And what kind of gospel is that! By failing to help her recite the memorized Word (and there is yet another lesson!), I was more or less teaching her to fight in her own strength. What terrible fatherhood. For she needs to know that she is weak and that she must embrace her weakness and look to the Lord! And how else can we do so but through His Word?! The answer is plain.

So Psalm 23. That is going to be my chapter for Abigail. We need to teach her how to fight with the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. She gets it. She has seen it done. But now a more focused effort needs to be made to teach this little one how to fight. O Lord, help me to teach my children to be weak in themselves and strong in you! Thank you for showing me that tonight Lord. Thank you for making it plain. Help us to walk in wisdom as parents and to shepherd our children’s hearts to walk with you as they store up your Word.

There is more. Much more. But that is always the case. What a moment. How thankful I am for times such as these. And isn’t that always the case when deliverance comes after difficult times? Surely it has been my experience–as long as I have learned to look to the Lord! Thank you for your patience Lord. Thank you for your mercy and grace. Thank you that you teach me how to be a good father. Grace upon grace! I celebrate you and give thanks!

More on Transitions June 6, 2007

Posted by Joe in : General Lessons , add a comment

Erin,

Great practical stuff on transition times yesterday. I’m glad you wrote it, for if nothing else, I had to read it! Anyhow, I wanted to say a bit more on transitions and see if I could make a connection to parenting. We shall see if I am able. I am sure I will come up with something.

I suppose that because this is a parenting blog, I should focus on what kind of lessons we can teach our children during these times of transition. The first one that comes to mind is the one I learned last night (and one which yes, you already know!).

But for those who don’t know, Abigail (our 3 year-old) is struggling with this transition. There are other things of course, but she knows something is up. She knows she is headed to the United States and that she has to fly over the ocean to get there. But she doesn’t fully understand the fact that our house is in the United States–and that is where she is headed. All she really knows is that she was just setting into a nice routine here in Spain, enjoying her mornings at school with the other kids, some times at the pool across the street and daddy’s basketball games. And now, it’s time to move again. That’s definitely not an easy thing, especially for us sinners (big and small).

So last night during a meltdown–a full meltdown I think you could say, Abigail reached the end of the line. To cut a long story short, after asking for prayer from me for a few different things, I realized how desperate she was to fight with the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. So we began to recite Psalm 23 (which she has memorized) and the Lord began to fill her and I with a sweet peace. I know it was an answer to prayer (ones I and others had just prayed), but all of the sudden I realized how much I had failed her in this regard. I had not properly trained her to fight with the Word of God.

I could say more, but suffice it to say that this has to be a central lesson during our times of transition–for both ourselves (first) and then for our children. We need to speak the promises of God to one another (and receive them–probably the hardest part!). Then we need to help our little ones do the same. Even if it means reciting the 23rd Psalm 25 times on a long plane trip. The Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and judging the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

The Lord is good my dear. And His Word is good. Let’s fight with it by the power of His Spirit for the glory of His name. And let’s teach our children how to do the same.

Fighting alongside you,
Joe

p.s. I will post my journal entry on the events of last night tomorrow. I’ll just set the timer, so we won’t miss a day–crazy bloggers we are!

Times of Transition June 5, 2007

Posted by Erin in : General Lessons , add a comment

Joe,

Great idea on leaving a letter to our posterity. I would love to have that sort of thing from my family line to hear about where they came from and especially to hear an encouraging word to seek hard after God.

So we have officially entered the time of transition that we always have when we move. You know we are in it when half of our things are in suitcases. I am thinking we will be in this stage for the next week, so I am trying to get mentally prepared.

One of the ways transitions have been made easiest for us though is to have a plan for the kids. Transitions are tough on us as adults, but on children they are usually even harder and more confusing. So here are a couple of ways that we try and make those times of change easier on our kids.

1. Make sure they get plenty of sleep. There is nothing worse than traveling with a tired child. And as we know from ourselves, sin is much harder to fight against when the physical body is weak!

2. Slowly introduce them to the idea of leaving. When the child is young, like Elijah (13 months), he or she will not understand anything, so nothing needs to be said. But for our daughter, Abby (3 years), the idea of a change needs to be slowly explained. This time we had her stop school a week before, then slowly started packing day by day, explained that we would be headed home and even showed her on a map how we would be flying over the ocean.

3. Keep the same level of discipline standards. We made the mistake when we arrived in Spain of taking it easy on Abby because of the time change and loss of seeing family and friends. But all the little compromises on discipline left us with a little monster. So even though it will be tough on them, do not lower the standards of obedience.

4. Come up with a plan for integrating them into the new environment. Decide before hand how much you want to expose them to when you are in your new place. Abby has a very intense personality that is easily “fried” by overstimulation. Decide before hand if it is wise for your child to see 50 new faces in the matter of 24 hours!

5. Expect that it will be difficult. Get your battle gear on, store up those promises of God and know that the transition will not be easy, but you serve a God who will faithfully supply all things. Preach to yourself and keep the perspective of how much better you are doing than what you deserve. This is a season and it will pass quickly. The hardest thing on a child is often a parent who is not at rest in Jesus in these times. They so easily sense our anxiety and stress.

Transitioning back home with you,

Erin

An Idea June 4, 2007

Posted by Joe in : Uncategorized , add a comment

Erin,

So, you know I have thought about doing this before, but I just wanted to suggest it here for two reasons: 1) to hold myself accountable to do it (though it is already written down thankfully!) and 2) to possibly stir others to the same.

The idea is simple: write a letter to your posterity.

Deuteronomy 6 commands us to teach the Word of the Lord to our children. But the letter I am speaking of refers not so much to a letter of teaching as a letter of vision. And not one that will last for only a generation, but that, if the Lord wills, could last until Jesus returns!

Think about that. Particularly if you have a long-term vision for raising not only your kids, but for all your posterity. And if Jesus tarries, that could be quite a lot. Imagine each of them receiving a personal letter from you. Introducing yourself, the day in which you live, where you came from, how you came to faith in Christ, and what your vision is for them. And in this digital age, it easily could be preserved and past on.

I do want to mention the centrality of vision. For it is not enough to pass on the facts. Of course, the central truths concerning the Lord Jesus must be in there, but application of those truths is an absolute necessity. A vision for what those truths mean in your life and want you want them to mean in theirs could go a very long way in influence. Who knows? You might have an young teenager pick up your letter 100 years later and get converted through it! How could would that be!

My personal letter would include great emphasis on the centrality of God’s delight in God and our pursuit of God. They are the truths that drive my life and I would want to commend them to every single person who came after me, particularly the ones of the same family line! You never know, it could be a primary means for passing on the central truths that you hold dear.

In our case, let’s make sure it happens Love. First, I suppose we should Mind map it. Then I’ll have to get started. Of course, yes, I need to write Elijah a belated birthday letter first!

Seeking to change generations with you,
Joe

Being a True Man June 2, 2007

Posted by Erin in : Links , add a comment

Joe,

Thanks for getting us rolling again.  Since it is the weekend, I am putting up a link to a blog from Dr. Mohler’s website.   Mohler is talking about an article that shows the deep responsibility that men have in modeling true manhood to their sons.  As if you men didn’t know the impact you had already, this article will drive it home.  Joe, thanks for being a true man for our son!

Seeking Him,

Erin

The Transformation of Habits June 1, 2007

Posted by Joe in : General Lessons , add a comment

Erin,

Tomorrow is officially your day because I am finally posting again! This won’t be long (at least I think so now), but it flows from the our family time this morning. I’ll explain in detail for anyone listening.

During our family time, we move through a child’s catechism with Abigail. We are currently in a review stage where we go through all the questions to make sure she has them down. She usually does quite well, but there are always a few that she just can’t seem to get. Today, she was confused over the questions regarding a sin of omission and commission. I am sure you can understand why! The two words sound the same and they both refer to sin. From the very beginning, it has been difficult for her to distinguish between the two and today was no exception.

So I asked her the question, “What is a sin of omission” about 5-10 times. I said the full answer a number of times and then had her to the same. But even after 3-5 times of saying the same question, there would still be a tone of hesitancy in her voice, or she would just get the question wrong. She would say the answer to the question, “What is a sin of COmmission?” And then we had a short laugh.

What struck me about all this, however, was the way in which it shows how difficult it is to replace a bad habit with a good one. When it comes to Abigail getting the question right, it is not that big of deal (right now!). But when it comes to her responding in prompt obedience to her mom and dad, that is a very big deal. And as parents, the longer we let a certain habit go, the harder it will be to replace it with a good one.

Currently, we have seen that with Abigail. It is our fault really. We were giving her too much room for whining and other small signs of rebellion. This past week, we have placed the standard back where it belongs and the fight is much harder than it has to be. The lesson then? Simple: stay on top of things! And/or get on top of things as soon as possible.

This simple lesson has led us to greater diligence with little Elijah. He is only a year old now, but we can already see certain habits of rebellion developing that need to be addressed. His little, “No, no, no” (barely understandable) is really cute now, but the quicker he learns not to say no to Dad and Mom, the better!

Enough for now. Let’s love our children enough to keep the standard high. It is a lot of consistent work, but it is a whole lot better than asking and answering the same question a hundred times in order to make it right (and you know what I am alluding to there!).

Seeking to grow in diligence with you,
Joe