More on Transitions June 6, 2007
Posted by Joe in : General Lessons , add a commentErin,
Great practical stuff on transition times yesterday. I’m glad you wrote it, for if nothing else, I had to read it! Anyhow, I wanted to say a bit more on transitions and see if I could make a connection to parenting. We shall see if I am able. I am sure I will come up with something.
I suppose that because this is a parenting blog, I should focus on what kind of lessons we can teach our children during these times of transition. The first one that comes to mind is the one I learned last night (and one which yes, you already know!).
But for those who don’t know, Abigail (our 3 year-old) is struggling with this transition. There are other things of course, but she knows something is up. She knows she is headed to the United States and that she has to fly over the ocean to get there. But she doesn’t fully understand the fact that our house is in the United States–and that is where she is headed. All she really knows is that she was just setting into a nice routine here in Spain, enjoying her mornings at school with the other kids, some times at the pool across the street and daddy’s basketball games. And now, it’s time to move again. That’s definitely not an easy thing, especially for us sinners (big and small).
So last night during a meltdown–a full meltdown I think you could say, Abigail reached the end of the line. To cut a long story short, after asking for prayer from me for a few different things, I realized how desperate she was to fight with the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. So we began to recite Psalm 23 (which she has memorized) and the Lord began to fill her and I with a sweet peace. I know it was an answer to prayer (ones I and others had just prayed), but all of the sudden I realized how much I had failed her in this regard. I had not properly trained her to fight with the Word of God.
I could say more, but suffice it to say that this has to be a central lesson during our times of transition–for both ourselves (first) and then for our children. We need to speak the promises of God to one another (and receive them–probably the hardest part!). Then we need to help our little ones do the same. Even if it means reciting the 23rd Psalm 25 times on a long plane trip. The Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and judging the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
The Lord is good my dear. And His Word is good. Let’s fight with it by the power of His Spirit for the glory of His name. And let’s teach our children how to do the same.
Fighting alongside you,
Joe
p.s. I will post my journal entry on the events of last night tomorrow. I’ll just set the timer, so we won’t miss a day–crazy bloggers we are!
Times of Transition June 5, 2007
Posted by Erin in : General Lessons , add a commentJoe,
Great idea on leaving a letter to our posterity. I would love to have that sort of thing from my family line to hear about where they came from and especially to hear an encouraging word to seek hard after God.
So we have officially entered the time of transition that we always have when we move. You know we are in it when half of our things are in suitcases. I am thinking we will be in this stage for the next week, so I am trying to get mentally prepared.
One of the ways transitions have been made easiest for us though is to have a plan for the kids. Transitions are tough on us as adults, but on children they are usually even harder and more confusing. So here are a couple of ways that we try and make those times of change easier on our kids.
1. Make sure they get plenty of sleep. There is nothing worse than traveling with a tired child. And as we know from ourselves, sin is much harder to fight against when the physical body is weak!
2. Slowly introduce them to the idea of leaving. When the child is young, like Elijah (13 months), he or she will not understand anything, so nothing needs to be said. But for our daughter, Abby (3 years), the idea of a change needs to be slowly explained. This time we had her stop school a week before, then slowly started packing day by day, explained that we would be headed home and even showed her on a map how we would be flying over the ocean.
3. Keep the same level of discipline standards. We made the mistake when we arrived in Spain of taking it easy on Abby because of the time change and loss of seeing family and friends. But all the little compromises on discipline left us with a little monster. So even though it will be tough on them, do not lower the standards of obedience.
4. Come up with a plan for integrating them into the new environment. Decide before hand how much you want to expose them to when you are in your new place. Abby has a very intense personality that is easily “fried” by overstimulation. Decide before hand if it is wise for your child to see 50 new faces in the matter of 24 hours!
5. Expect that it will be difficult. Get your battle gear on, store up those promises of God and know that the transition will not be easy, but you serve a God who will faithfully supply all things. Preach to yourself and keep the perspective of how much better you are doing than what you deserve. This is a season and it will pass quickly. The hardest thing on a child is often a parent who is not at rest in Jesus in these times. They so easily sense our anxiety and stress.
Transitioning back home with you,
Erin
The Transformation of Habits June 1, 2007
Posted by Joe in : General Lessons , add a commentErin,
Tomorrow is officially your day because I am finally posting again! This won’t be long (at least I think so now), but it flows from the our family time this morning. I’ll explain in detail for anyone listening.
During our family time, we move through a child’s catechism with Abigail. We are currently in a review stage where we go through all the questions to make sure she has them down. She usually does quite well, but there are always a few that she just can’t seem to get. Today, she was confused over the questions regarding a sin of omission and commission. I am sure you can understand why! The two words sound the same and they both refer to sin. From the very beginning, it has been difficult for her to distinguish between the two and today was no exception.
So I asked her the question, “What is a sin of omission” about 5-10 times. I said the full answer a number of times and then had her to the same. But even after 3-5 times of saying the same question, there would still be a tone of hesitancy in her voice, or she would just get the question wrong. She would say the answer to the question, “What is a sin of COmmission?” And then we had a short laugh.
What struck me about all this, however, was the way in which it shows how difficult it is to replace a bad habit with a good one. When it comes to Abigail getting the question right, it is not that big of deal (right now!). But when it comes to her responding in prompt obedience to her mom and dad, that is a very big deal. And as parents, the longer we let a certain habit go, the harder it will be to replace it with a good one.
Currently, we have seen that with Abigail. It is our fault really. We were giving her too much room for whining and other small signs of rebellion. This past week, we have placed the standard back where it belongs and the fight is much harder than it has to be. The lesson then? Simple: stay on top of things! And/or get on top of things as soon as possible.
This simple lesson has led us to greater diligence with little Elijah. He is only a year old now, but we can already see certain habits of rebellion developing that need to be addressed. His little, “No, no, no” (barely understandable) is really cute now, but the quicker he learns not to say no to Dad and Mom, the better!
Enough for now. Let’s love our children enough to keep the standard high. It is a lot of consistent work, but it is a whole lot better than asking and answering the same question a hundred times in order to make it right (and you know what I am alluding to there!).
Seeking to grow in diligence with you,
Joe
Regaining our Shape May 28, 2007
Posted by Joe in : General Lessons , add a commentErin,
As it is probably plain from our lack of posting, it has been a busy few weeks around here. Of course, it does seem odd informing you of the matter, but that is how we do it here at the Sinners Raising Saints blog! Anyhow, I figured I would make a quick post and to get us back into our proper blogging condition. I had to do the same over at the Seeking Him blog.
One quick thing I would mention in regards to parenting is our continual need to take account of the amount of time and energy we are investing into our children. Of course, you know full well that I say that with the conviction that we can easily give too much of our time and attention to them. Some parents may think us a bit odd for such a statement, but we have seen yet again the effects of too much attention given to our children. They become addicted to attention itself and actually become worse.
Rosemond does a great job giving voice to this reality in his The Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children. I am thankful we were pointed to such a book.
Alright, more will come later. Let us return to where we began this blog by offering some simple parenting lessons the rest of the week. Lord knows, we are learning more and more every day!
Seeking Him with you,
Joe
Quote May 5, 2007
Posted by Erin in : General Lessons , add a commentJoe,
Today I thought I would share a quote from a book we both finished reading a few months ago and gleaned valuable wisdom from called “The New Six Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children” by John Rosemond.
All children can be counted on to throw tantrums of one sort of another. For one thing, children come into the world devoid of any tolerance for frustration. For another, their original point of view is a self-centered (egocentric) one. Whatever they want, the believer they deserve. Parents need to slowly but surely help their children dismantle that self-centeredness and replace it with a sense of social responsibility- a willingness to put personal concerns aside for the sake of family, friendship, and society. It could be said that this is a parent’s most important function. It is the essence of the socialization process, and that process involves a certain amount of discomfort. A young, undersocialized child’s natural reaction to discomfort and disillusionment is a tantrum. Looked at from this perspective, a tantrum expresses the pain of relinquishing self-centeredness and developing a mature understanding of how the world works. It’s essential, therefore, that parents learn how to say no to their children and say it with conviction.
Seeking to lead our children into God-centeredness,
Erin
Hiatus April 19, 2007
Posted by Erin in : General Lessons , add a commentJoe,
As we discussed, since I felt like I had one of those “ah-ha” parenting moments this morning, I am going to take a short break from our series on family worship.
Abby has started going to school here in Spain, so 5 days a week, we walk the 20 minutes to school with her and Elijah in the stroller, drop her off and then walk back. Elijah and I then walk back to pick her up after her three hours there and we all walk home. It is getting to be really nice weather here in Spain, so the other day I noticed the sun hitting Elijah’s little fair-haired head. I figured it was time to put a hat on him to protect him from sun burn.
So last night, I got him a hat and put it on his head and he immediately took it off. Again, I put it on and he took it right off. This happened a few times, until I finally thought “He won’t wear a hat.” As soon as I had processed the thought it hit me how wrong that thought was! It wasn’t that he WOULDN’T wear it, it was that I had not trained him to wear it yet. Yes, maybe he did not like, but that did not mean I had to throw my hands up in desperation as if it could never happen.
I realized how often we can come to these false conclusions as parents. We let our children determine what they want to do and then phrase it with “He/she won’t….” as if to say there is nothing we can do about it.
So when I realized the error of my thinking, I decided he was going to need a bit of training. So this morning before leaving to take Abby to school, I put Elijah in the stroller early. I put the hat on his head and immediately he reached up to take it off. I gave him a firm “no” and put it back on his head. He gave me one of his big, goofy smiles and reached up and snatched it off again. This time he got a “no” delivered with a firm smack on the hand. He looked very insulted, but decided it was worth it to give it another try. So once again the hat came off and he received a “no” and a smack. This time the little lip came out and started to quiver. So he waited a few minutes and felt sorry for himself and then decided to try it again. He met the same result. Then it looked as if he had gotten the message, so we headed out the door. But as kids usually do, he needed to test the waters again once in the elevator and saw that Mommy was going to stay consistent on this one. So we enjoyed a 40 minute ride in the stroller with his hat on the entire time!
Now, this is not to say when we went to pick Abby up that he did not make an attempt again. Kids will always test to see if you are going to remain consistent. And I am sure tomorrow morning he will try again. But it was a wonderful lesson to me that we can train our children to do the things we want them to do. Now this was not just something that was for my convenience or fancy, but to protect his little head from sunburn. Are there other things in our children’s lives that we say they “won’t” do that we could possibly train them to do that would bring great benefit into their lives? Say for instance, only eating junk food. Or not reading books but watching television. Or waking up at early hours or going to bed late. It was a great lesson to me that I am the parent and it is our job to train our children in areas where we feel they need to obey in order to reap the benefits of what will be best for them.
Training with you for the glory of God,
Erin
Link April 14, 2007
Posted by Erin in : General Lessons , add a commentJoe,
I wanted to recommend an article by Carolyn Mahaney on parental discipline. She focuses it mainly towards mothers and daughters, but it can easily be applied to father and sons as well.
Seeking Him with you,
Erin
A Family Centered on Worship April 2, 2007
Posted by Erin in : General Lessons , add a commentJoe,
Thanks for those great posts on family worship. The section of the interview with Dr. Ascol that hit me the most were these words:
I think it’s fair to say this is not something most Christian families practice today. Do you agree? Why is it this way?
Yes, from my observation that is sadly and undeniably true. Family worship has been lost to large segments of the Christian church over the last 100 years. Much of it has to do with the dissolution of the family due to various social and cultural forces. Just like family meals have become increasingly rare, so has family worship. But I think there is more to it than just those pressures. I think that the loss of a Gospel-driven, Christ-centered understanding of the Christian faith has made many beliefs and practices that were once common and prized among believers almost obsolete. American Christianity has become much more American than Christian. The message of salvation has been efficiently reduced to a “Jesus-fix” or a “get-out-of-jail-free” card that has virtually no implications for how one lives. Christian belief and experience are relegated to the periphery of life rather than the center. Where this approach to Christianity predominates, regular corporate worship is often treated as a matter of convenience and regular family worship is completely foreign. That is where most of our American evangelical culture is, I am afraid.
Most of the second generation Christians in our church (including me) did not grow up in homes where Christ was worshiped as a family. In my case, that was true despite the fact that our family was very active in our Baptist church. I do not recall ever hearing of the concept until I was an adult.
It is very sad and true that so few families today spend time in family worship. And as you know, we did not truly initiate this practice until Abby was over a year old. So it took us three years of marriage before we got our act together! I don’t point this out to exalt us or put others down that do not spend this time together worshiping as a family. I think many times, families have not really thought about it and have failed to look at what their main priorities are as a family.
Many families are involved in a lot more wonderful ways of outreach to the lost and caring for the body of Christ than we are. But as we hold firm to in the private act of worship, we believe as a family as well: you cannot give what you do not possess. Just as an individual must store up God’s Word and spend times in prayer and meditation to refresh their own heart, a family must be refreshed in the same way. It seems like families can make time for so many other things, but find a million excuses of why they cannot spend 20 minutes worshiping together as a family.
Think about the number of hours we spend eating together, playing games, watching television, and running to and from activities. Surely 20 minutes out of a day is barely anything. I think about all the families that have been spending time watching hours upon hours of the NCAA basketball championships. Watching this is in no way wrong, but what message are we sending to our children when we can dedicate hours upon hours to meaningless tasks and spend no time during the day enriching their hearts towards God.
I will let you pick up from there because I am sure there is much we can say on this topic. Thank you again for those posts and for leading our family faithfully in worship everyday
Worshiping together with you,
Erin
Covering All Bases March 30, 2007
Posted by Erin in : General Lessons , add a commentJoe,
Thank you once again for the reminder of the gospel needing to be the center of all that we do. God is certainly bringing that to light in a number of different areas in our lives right now!
I wanted to share a little bit about something else God has been doing in our lives lately. both of us have recently come up with a much more concrete and succinct prayer plan. We both had some idea of what we wanted to pray for before, but now we actually have it laid out what our daily prayer and weekly prayers will be. Each day has it designated categories to pray for and we also keep a list of specific prayer requests to be lifting up for people. This has been a huge blessing to me, because although I cannot pray for everything every single day, I can feel confident that there is nothing slipping through the cracks that won’t go for weeks without being prayed for.
I was thinking how this can relate to parenting as well. So often I get so concentrated on training and disciplining Abby in a certain area, that the other areas seem to slip through the cracks. I may be concentrated on her giving an immediate “yes”, but am letting her get away with whining or something else.
In this regard, I think it is helpful for parents to sit down and have a “child plan”. You can pray an talk about the weaknesses and strength of each child and then come up with a plan for how to shepherd them into loving Jesus more in those areas of weakness. Obviously each child is going to have many areas of weakness (as we all do!). So you can’t come up with 50 of them. but I know for myself, I see 3-4 areas in my own life that I struggle continually with sin, and those are the main areas I focus in on prayer and practice for myself. In the same way, I think it is helpful to focus in on 3-4 areas in our children’s lives where there is habitual sin. And then come up with a plan for how that will be trained and disciplined.
It is helpful to re-evaluate this list every few months. See how God is answering prayer in these areas. See ways that your training and disciplining need to be adjusted. And maybe see new areas of sin that are popping up and need to be corrected, while other areas may not need to addressed as much anymore. Let’s learn to be students of our children’s behaviors so we are not focusing in on one area, while letting another area of sin completing slide by.
Seeking to parent in all areas of our children’s lives,
Erin
Gospel-Motivation March 29, 2007
Posted by Joe in : General Lessons , add a commentErin,
So you actually read those articles all the way through huh? That’s a good idea. I might follow your lead on that one sometime huh? As you guessed, I linked to those articles because they came from a reliable source. I still count them reliable, but I will do more checking next time! But as you said, it was a good learning opportunity. That is usually the case isn’t it? I am quite sure that the Lord ordains that error spread so that the truth might be more faithfully clarified. This has been the case throughout the history of the church. Indeed, much of the New Testament was written on those grounds.
Now, that being said, the error you mentioned is minor, but it has gained quite a foothold in Biblical teaching and theology. Particularly in the Reformed community, we often hear it said that gratitude for the cross is a motivation for obedience. As you alluded to, Piper more or less demolished that notion in his book Future Grace. For that I am thankful, because I was definitely saying that before I read his book! And though the error is minor, it goes to show that minor errors can have major effects. I know that a whole new world of grace and sanctification opened up to me after reading Piper’s work. For until you understand how God motivates us to obedience, how can we really be sanctified?
As it relates to raising our kids, I do want to emphasize the fact that we should still emphasize what Jesus has done in their place as a motivation for obedience. However, we should not emphasize it as it relates to ‘gratitude’, but instead, standing with God.
This isn’t easy, of course, because our children just don’t understand much when they are young. Maybe in a few years, Abigail will be able to know something of trusting in Christ and being united to Him. At least that is my prayer. But for now, she just needs to hear over and over again that she is a sinner who needs a Savior–Jesus Christ our Lord. She is a little girl who desperately needs to be delivered from an inner enemy that she cannot conquer. And so is the case with Elijah. So also is the case with us. Continually, we must set before their (and our) eyes the gospel of hope, the good news that Jesus died in the place of all who choose to believe in Him. For only then can we truly be set free.
As it relates to motivation, I would venture to say that if we (and they) truly trust in the Lord Jesus, we are righteous before God and freed from trying to earn our way to Heaven. We don’t need to fret over our sins. We need to confess them and forsake them and realize that Jesus has paid for them. No need to beat ourselves up. No need to dwell too long on the past or present failures. We need to look to the cross and our right standing with God, so that we might be set free to obey. Maybe, in the end, it isn’t so much of a motivation as it is a release. But the more I come to understand such truth, the more motivated I am to obey. I suppose that is about as much as I can say.
So….let us labor to continually keep the gospel in view and to hold it before our little children, whether they walk in obedience or disobedience. For it is the only hope for a happy heart and a happy home–indeed, a happy world!
Basking in His mercy with you,
Joe