Motivation and Gentleness April 4, 2008
Posted by Joe in : General Lessons , trackbackErin,
Here are two things I have been thinking of in regards to parenting. The first, motivation, refers not to our being motivated as parents, but to how we might properly motivate our children to obey. The second, gentleness, is not a quality that comes naturally to me, but one that embodies numerous other qualities that I want to possess as a father and that must accompany whatever motivating forces we deem necessary to employ.
As for motivation, I have been amazed, as I mentioned to you the other day, at the way in which Abby and Elijah will respond to differ degrees of force. Not physical force mind you (though I suppose it could include spankings), but force of various kinds. Force like telling Elijah, “If you don’t choose to control yourself right now, you will go into your crib.”
And for Elijah, that is more than enough. He wants nothing to do with that crib. So he is able to get control of himself quite quickly. Abigail, on the other hand, would laugh at such a small thing. Bigger things seem to be necessary for our oldest, the one who has our combined strength of will.
But at the same time, as we spoke of yesterday, a balance is needed. It is not enough to set before our children a certain consequence and expect them to respond. After all, various forces are work, forces that they often do not understand themselves. For example, when Abigail begins to ‘lose it’, it doesn’t matter what the consequence is. She is gone. And though a gentle word does not always do the trick, it is surely much more effective, it seems, in both the long and short run that a harsh reminder of the consequence.
Sure, the consequence should not be taken away. But they can be administered with great patience and care. And while Abigail chooses to throw a temper-tantrum (over things large and small), we can gently guide her through the process and use the opportunity to teach here how to better handle herself. Every moment is a teaching moment. The difficulty, of course, is to figure out how to teach right then and there.
No matter what, however, consequences must be administered with patience and gentleness. Clarity helps on both accounts. Let us continue to pray for just that.
Growing in grace with you,
Joe
Comments»
Thanks for sharing this Joe. It’s a good reminder that every child is unique and they respond differently. It’s my need to make that heart to heart connection with my children even greater. This verse came to me after reading your article.
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6