Total Influence March 21, 2008
Posted by Joe in : General Lessons , trackbackErin,
Thank you for your diligence in posting each week. I need to follow your lead on that front and hope to do a better job in the coming weeks.
As I thought about what to write, I realized that I have many options. Lessons have abounded during the past few weeks. We have had numerous struggles with Abigail for various reasons I believe. She is in a foreign land, in school with children and teachers whom she cannot understand, away from family and friends etc. And I could go on. But the main reason is always our struggles to live the way we want to live. And that is what struck me most as I reflected and prayed for her this morning.
We say time and again that our weaknesses are bound to be seen in our children. After all, they live with us. They watch us day after day and cannot help imitating both our strengths and weaknesses. I have been reminded of that lately as I have thought and prayed for wisdom in leading Abigail Lee. Her rebellion and general foolishness has been quite plain. She thinks she knows better than us and wants to argue every point, even when she knows she is wrong.
That sounds familiar though. For I have lived with myself long enough to see the very same things in me. What struck me with particular force this morning though was the reality that she will in large part relate to us in the way that we relate to God.
As her father, I think I can faithfully say that she will relate to me (her earthly father) as I am prone to relate to God (my heavenly Father). That might seem simple. And it is on the surface, but what I am pointing to and seeing more and more is that the habits of relating are largely internal. Of course, they have their external manifestations. Temper-tantrums, arguments, loud “No’s”, etc. But those things aren’t the issue. If I (we) simply address those things, we will surely end up with a Pharisee of all Pharisees. No. The real disease of sin and rebellion must be addressed…not only in her, but in me.
And this, it seems, is the real difficulty in parenting. Not so much confronting your child’s sin, but confronting your own. Not so much teaching her to take responsibility for her sin, but showing her how to do so by taking responsibility for your own. Not pointing out her rebellion against me and her inclination to do whatever she can to get what she wants, but to face the fact that I do the same thing and to repent accordingly. Few things are more challenging and humbling than this.
Yet at the same time, few things are more effective. The amazing fact is that what I do privately with God (facing my sin, repentance, etc.) has a profound effect on my ability to help Abigail face her sin, flee to the cross, and pursue genuine change. Sure, no one is looking when I am seeking God and God is dealing with me. But at the same time, everyone is affected…our children especially.
What we think about God and how we relate to God is surely the most important thing about us. It defines our very existence. It colors every single thing that we do…including our parenting. Therefore, let us be diligent to seek hard after the Lord and to persistently pursue greater humility and holiness. It’s the best thing we can do for ourselves and for our children. Indeed, it’s the best thing we can do for the world. Of course, there is more to life than that, but we can never ignore the great importance of getting our own acts together. By God’s grace, we can do so. And do so we must.
Seeking Him with you,
Joe
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