Where Does Consistency Come From? November 20, 2007
Posted by Erin in : General Lessons , trackbackJoe,
As I mentioned I have been reading through another of John Rosemond’s books called “Making the ‘Terrible’ Twos Terrific”. It has brought a lot of great things to mind and reminded me of a lot of parenting principles I need to be reminded of. I would recommend that every parent read a parenting book every few months to stay sharp and refreshed on the topic of parenting.
As I mentioned in my last post, children are in need of consistency. And that consistency needs to be seen in daily habits, as well as discipline and expectations. But you can’t just expect to be consistent on the spot. Consistency takes planning, or something Rosemond calls “striking while the iron is cold”.
In other words, you need to anticipate problems. We aren’t to simply discipline things as they come when the child has no idea what is expected of them. Children need to know what is expected of them in all situations. This takes a lot more time and planning on the parents’ part, but saves a lot of frustration as well. So what are some ways as parents we can plan to be consistent?
1. Identify areas of weakness in your children. Know situations and times when your children are more prone to sin. For Abby right now, she is having some serious struggles at the dinner table with eating in a timely manner without whining and complaining. This should not surprise us every night if we have identified this area.
2. Come up with a plan. Not only do you need to identify the area, but come up with a plan of how to address it. Be creative and figure out what the child is after and what is inappropriate about the behavior. For Abby, we saw that much of it is often attention she desires, but that is is also rude and disruptive to the rest of us who are trying to eat our dinner.
3. Inform the child of your plan. You also must inform the child of what will happen when the situation occurs so there is nothing surprising about it. Abby is informed before dinner that she will have one hour to finish her meal. if it is not finished, it will be stored int he refrigerator for breakfast the next morning. She will continue to be presented with the meal and nothing else until she eats it. If there is whining and complaining, she will move to another table to eat her dinner alone, while the rest of the family completes our dinner.
4. Follow through on what you say. Now you must actually put the plan into practice. it may not be fun, but you have prepared yourself knowing the situation may arise and know the child is well -informed, so there is no reason to get frustrated or angry. They are making their own decision and must learn to deal with the consequences.
I want to encourage all of us as parents to “strike while the iron is cold” this holiday week. Remember how overwhelming all of this can be for kids. Prep them for each and every event with what is expected of them and what the consequences will be if those expectations are not met. But be ready for some fall-outs! Don’t put your own personal ease of sitting and eating your turkey over the wonderful fruit that can come from training your children through a holiday!
Prepping for the holiday with you,
Erin
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